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UPDATE: Dickinson Administration Adjusts Stance on Asbestos to "Not that Bad"


"Asbestos Shmazbestos"

In August of 2018 Dickinson Students were shook to the core after receiving news that beloved pedagogical epicenter East College would be shutting down for the semester due to a hazardous amount of Asbestos discovered all throughout the building. As students were forced to cope with this void in their lives, the news only got worse when Dana Hall was deemed “full of asbestos” as well. Since this shocking news spread through the campus like wildfire, Dickinson has been keen to emphasize that while other academic buildings also have asbestos “it is totally not life threatening”. This is important to keep in the mind as some students were worried about learning in the same classrooms of which they were simultaneously dying. However, after several all faculty meetings, with thoughtful discussion and brainstorm exercises, administration has officially deemed Asbestos to be “Not that Bad”. As a community everyone is ecstatic about this decision and the news has even spurred a huge pro asbestos subgroup on campus. When asked about the logical decision, campus administrator and pro asbestos activist Richard Headass reflected, “I think the move is good for everyone honestly. I mean Dickinson has a long storied history of overcoming strife. We don’t really think asbestos is going to hurt us am I right? In fact it will probably strengthen our immune systems”. Comments such as these reassure all of us that not only is the asbestos presence totally safe, but it is also clearly healthier for students to be exposed to the cancerous mineral substance. Dickinson is way ahead of the curve on this one; Asbestos confirmed actually good.

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