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  • Soap MacTavish

Sorority Freshman's Parents Decline Venmo Requests for "Dues"

The week of hell is over. After a busy rush week of pretending to be philanthropic and nice for social advancement, many vibrant freshman have found their homes and are ready for an exciting 3 ½ years with their long lost sisters. Sisterhood is special, and for these ladies this is certainly a big decision, filled with stress and drama. The tears flowed Sunday leaving the academic quad covered in puddles amidst the ecstasy. However, after the aftermath of bid day, the shouting the singing the dancing and the whirlwind of exhausting emotions you are left exhausted. And while you think they take your phone for “privacy” during each recruitment round, your sisters are checking to see which color Amex is in the back.

Without Kappa Sigma and Phi Delt around to support these sororities alcohol consumption, they have been forced to increase dues, obliging their treasurers to face the burden of balancing the cost of the 50 plus t-shirts orders annually and affording the salary for each sororities social media influencer, all while contributing money towards parties. With daddy’s debit card serving as an extension of each sororities’ money pool, they felt comfortable skyrocketing their dues in order to keep up with the added costs. I mean truly if you are having trouble making friends, just give this cult of blind obedience just shy of $600 and you have got “sisters for life!”

After their first meetings with their chapter these new members were informed of the per semester price tag attached with their presence. The bigger the PC the bigger the budget, and while sorority numbers slightly dropped this year, custom ink prices, wine prices and juul pod prices all have skyrocketed forcing the hand of sororities. After an expensive year exploring Carlisle and contributing to its lucrative economy supporting local businesses from Deli Q to Helenas freshman sorority girls are left with holes in their wallets, just in time to get greeted with a $600 invoice from Regina George.

Scrambling for a quick source of income some newbies took up attempts at go fund me’s while others crafted original ventures ranging from bake sales to organ donating in order to avoid being black-balled days after pledging their allegiance to their given sisterhood. Failing to raise enough funds to meet the demands of their given sororities, many new members resorted to shooting their parents a cheeky venmo request with the hope of an efficient response and a timely deposit straight to the checking account. Unfortunately, these students were greeted with tough responses with many of their parents quickly hitting the decline button before sending a text along the lines of “You’re in college now honey, you need to learn to be fiscally responsible”. Tough. In such desperate times be sure to recognize the plights of these poor girls and if a GoFundMe link comes your way take a minute to pause and think about the cause you are supporting and the altruism you are spreading.

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