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Self Proclaimed Vermont Ski God Thriving

Tanner the Ski God

D WALK - As the first snow falls here at Dickinson College, so come the Bean Boots, slippery walkways, emails from the President, and local Carlilian children sledding on Morgan Field. The unsalted walkways become the scene of what can only be described as timid strides and healthy caution as most students struggle to survive the treacherous conditions.

Observing freshman students make harrowing journeys to Denny from the lower quads, one reporter encountered a rare species showing no signs of trouble with the snowfall, in fact they appeared to be thriving. Dressed in their finest Timbs and cleanest Patriots Jerseys, these lionhearted lippackers expose their arms to mother nature's wrath. Among the group was self proclaimed Vermont ski legend and professional cold person Tanner Shock, who was stunned to see the public's reaction to the snow, “the pack is so light bro, this is nothing. I was ripping double blacks in Stowe with Bode Miller’s cousin last season sitting on 4 feet of base, we were totally schussing it bro.”

Tanner went on to describe the further intricacies of his excursion before removing his jacket from his bag, adorned with ski tags from the past 6 years. When asked why he wasn’t wearing the jacket and instead carrying it with him, his only comment was, “bro I only bring this bad boy out in at least 15 inches of raw powder.” Shock’s embodiment of hyper-masculinity has everyone jealous though, the snow simply doesn’t affect the alphas on campus. Tanner closed our conversation by ensuring that while the ski resorts aren’t open for business it won’t stop his boys from hitting the slopes tonight with some Kappas.

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