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REPORT: Pi Phis "Nearly Unbearable"

Updated: Nov 2, 2018

DICKINSON COLLEGE - “It’s not 2015 anymore” lamented senior Pi Phi Melanie McYawn. After a longstanding tenure as a “fun” sorority, Pi Beta Phi has made concerted efforts to change their public image. “We don’t want people thinking that they can just come to a party with us and enjoy themselves,” McYawn noted. McYawn then added that their new strategy was to be as difficult as possible when interacting with others. Area plebs rejoiced at the news, but little do they know there are forces much greater at play here.

“Its nearly unbearable, no one even dances”, noted sophomore football stud Derrick Arthurson. “Most of the time, I can’t even tell if they want to be there.” While public perception of Pi Phi may be shifting, the rigid social structure remains the same. Arthurson recognized this often unfortunate reality, adding, “I mean I’ll still go to parties with them”. Anyways, at least until the midterm elections, Testing Newsdays suggests people party with Kappa.

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