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REPORT: Free Spirited Rollerbladers Get Pulled Over by CPD For Speeding

WEST LOUTHER STREET – During their 15 minute break of their 3 hour seminar, Fleece Williams ‘20, Clementine Barkus ‘20, and Mood Ring ’19 decided to whip out their authentic 80s rollerblades to do a quick loop around the academic quad to clear their minds after a long hour of pretending they did the reading. On their final turn to head back to class, an undercover CPD squad car swerved up on the sidewalk in front of them, citing them for “Speeding,” “Reckless Endangerment,” and “Trying Too Hard to be Quirky.” None of the ticket recipients wanted to comment on the incident, as the exchange caused them to be late to class. Luckily a few sophomores who were on the Quarry Trellis watched the whole thing go down. Sophomore Lukas Anderson commented “Good to know there are eyes everywhere. Like, we get it, you’ve been to a thrift shop.” To avoid any future citations, Testing Newsdays recommends investing in some Heelys. Word has it they’re opening a pop shop in the lower level of the HUB and are looking for some Instagram Ambassadors to really get the brand moving. Shoot us a DM on insta for more information @testing_newsdaysss

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