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  • Soap MacTavish

Pat Coyle Refuses Offer From Dickinson Basketball for 4th Year Running

Updated: Nov 1, 2018

KLINE CENTER - We’ve all seen it. When Coyle heats up he’s virtually unguardable. The 5’10 205 pound Pottsville, Pennsylvania resident is what some consider the greatest shooter not only currently at Dickinson, but in the history of sports. Coyle is an avid basketball player and fan but refuses to play the game at the D3 level with rumors swirling that the competition doesn't excite him at this level. Coyle is apparently waiting for better offers. Former power forward Michael Jurzynski, one of Pat’s housemates has talked about just how intimidating it is to live with Coyle. “I mean you can’t even walk around with a cup in our place anymore, the kid will just bury it from any range and any distance”. This is precisely what makes Pat different. He eats, drinks, and sleeps basketball. In fact no one can recall seeing him ever miss a shot. When asked to comment on his peer’s game Dickinson tight end Ryan McMahon exclaimed, “He’s the least shot scared kid you will ever meet”. Coyle’s range is simply unfathomable and it’s hard to distinguish truth from folktale when Dickinsonians talk of his feats. Some say they’ve seen him shoot a handful of icecream into a kappas empty ice cream cone from the salad bar. Another source claims seeing him shoot one over the Kline into the outdoor hoop. Despite the absurdity of these rumors, it’s easy to see why the Dickinson team is devastated not to have him starting at shooting guard for them this year. The preseason unanimous pick for Centennial Conference Player of the Year will instead be focusing on relaxing and beer pong. Coyle being the humble assassin he is, has no comment on this matter.



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