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  • Soap MacTavish

Local Sex Haver Misunderstood



DARKNESS- We all know how it is; a small community where everyone knows absolutely everyone. These conditions are unfit for polygamy, and freshman Cameron Cukberry found out the hard way. Cuckberry was reported as maintaining a “still going to send it” attitude this fall as the 5’8 Barrington, Rhode Island native finally had freedom away from his strict parents. A virgin at the start of orientation, Cuckberry has been a presence in Carlisle this Autumn, sexually exploring himself with northbound of 10 partners, while passing all of his courses and competing for the club soccer team. Cuckberry has been flaunting his sexual pursuits daily, quick to tell just about anyone about all of the “dubs” he’s had to kick off his college career. When asked about his friend’s big start to the year, Cuckberry’s classmate Roger Paige remarked, “Dude Cuck is a savage man, all of the chicks love him bro. Makes sense too since he’s dope”. While Cuckberry initially saw his one night stands and sexual exploits as a major comeup for his confidence, he has recently been shocked by the amount of animosity he has encountered both on Dwalk and social media. Cuckberry claims to receive anywhere from 5-10 dirty looks from former partners on a given day and says he no longer hits Caf or even Britton Plaza because “It’s a warzone”. Cuckberry is completely ready to change his ways though; he is eager to sign up for for a Women’s and Gender Studies course for next semester and is excited to derail his troubling reputation going forward. When asked for a final comment Cuckberry explained, “I think I’m just really misunderstood man. Small school, so it’s out of my control; that’s what I always remind myself of when I get down”.

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