Hot Sauce Shortage Threatens College Retention Rates
DINING SERVICES - In a press release late Monday night, Caf administrators broke the news that due to a regional hot sauce shortage Texas Pete's will no longer be available in the Snar, Caf, or Quarry. When asked about the possible length of this shortage and how he feels this may impact students, Dining Service spokesman Larry Carvery simply said, “Fuck 'em”. Setting a record fifth time Dining Services has relayed that message to students. Students surveyed by the Testing Newsdays are growing increasingly irritated with this.
Junior Billy Gass is amongst a growing group of outraged students, “I usually put hot sauce on everything I eat from Dickinson, without it I can’t stomach the taste. Tabasco is my go to for breakfast, and then I usually move to Texas Pete’s for the rest of the day.” This shortage is pushing Gass to take drastic actions.
Billy is considering transferring, “This is the absolute last straw for me. My parents and girlfriend support me, I’m submitting my transfer papers for next semester. Probably gonna take classes at a community college near home, I heard they got the sauce.” Transferring has become a increasing trend amongst Dickinson Students, with a record setting 20 rising seniors and 100 freshmen transferring before the start of this year. But none of them cited hot sauce as their principal reason for changing schools. Could this be the last straw for other students as well?