Want real journalism experience?

Apply to be a writer!

Hottest image of the week!

  • resblvckcorrespondent

Dining Services will not serve ‘hamberders’, Dickinson College Republicans disappointed

The Dickinson caf will not be adding ‘hamberders’ to its lunch and dinner menus despite a carefully crafted petition drafted by the Dickinson College Republicans.

“We worked really hard on it. It took a whole meeting. It’s just really frustrating to be silenced.” said Whit Mane, who was elected as the group’s acting president after a meeting ended in blows when it was explained even though a candidate had won more votes overall her opponent would be president because certain seniors’ votes counted for twice that of first-years.

Upon reading the petition dining services’ leadership had a hard time fully understanding the request of the group. “What confused me most was the detailed list of ingredients and cooking instructions. It’s everything you’d use for a normal burger, but they insisted it wasn’t a burger.” commented Head Chef Norm Guye, “It was like the petition was clearly saying something and yet they kept saying that it wasn’t saying that at all.”

The caf had recently introduced plans to cut the number of times it served burgers a year for the health benefits given to all students. They are now worried that growing support around ‘hamberders’ may be certain students’ way of expressing their want of hamburgers without saying it explicitly.

“It’s not the same thing.” argued Shellie Bank “Our president would never support something so bad for you. He can’t help it if hamburger eaters also like ‘hamberders’”. She continued to explain that simply because President Trump has been reluctant to denounce hamburgers and their supporters doesn’t mean he himself agrees with their way of eating and it “definitely doesn’t mean ‘hamberders’ are hamburgers.”

“Yeah, ‘hamberders’ are hamburgers, just like ‘racberders’ are racists. I don’t really see the confusion here” said Ty Wates, an uninvolved student asked to form an opinion on the spot.

Despite the failed petition the Dickinson College Republicans haven’t given up hope about the new semester. They say they’re planning lots of ways to get their message across and they promise “it’s going to be HUUUGGE”.

50 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All

Football Spelling Bee

Welcome back to the Dickinson Sports Network, as we are just about to begin our annual Dickinson College Red Devil Football Team Spelling Bee, sponsored by Cialis. Are those steroids inhibiting your a