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  • Soap MacTavish

D-Sig Gets Laid

WEST LOUTHER STREET - In a shocking turn of events, local D-Sig and model train enthusiast Jeremy Horse has gotten laid. Correspondents at Testing Newsdays report that Mr. Horse is delighted at the news, and has wasted no time in letting his fellow brothers know of his accomplishments. Despite his boasts, other brothers of D-Sig remain unfazed by this drastic shift in fraternity culture. In fact, reports suggest that some fraternity members believe Mr. Horse is pushing D-Sig in a negative direction. “I mean... it’s sort of an unspoken rule we have here. He’s making the rest of us look bad” stated D-Sig junior Steve Stevens.

For the D-Sig community this is a big step in the right direction or a huge step backwards depending on who you talk to. Whether it be chance or not, the first confirmed D-Sig body since 2017 went down the same weekend as Theta formal. While some of the brothers are cherishing the hype from Horse’s accomplishment others mourn. Sophomore Caleb Henderson lamented on the situation, “Literally verse 6, page 40, chapter 3 it explicitly says, “DSigs do not under any circumstances engage in sexual intercourse”. The rift between the brotherhood has become immediately clear as certain brothers relent against Horses’s disturbing actions and others remain keen to give him props.

The D-Sig council are poised to meet this week to discuss the future of Horse in the fraternity, but for now things look grim. If D-Sig wants to remain the top fraternity on campus they know they can’t be doing things like this. Ahead of rush season, this is a bad omen for the D-Sigs prospects moving forward. They are going to have to choose a side. Are D-Sigs

a.) Alpha Sex Gods or b.) Train Collecting Schmucks? Time will tell.

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