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  • Soap MacTavish

Breaking: Former Phi Delt Member Goes Entire Formal Weekend Without Blacking Out




SOBRIETY- Formal Weekend November 2018, a special time that will live in infamy among the group of rowdy gentlemen once calling Parker Street home: Phi Delta Theta. Phi Delt members spent countless hours of academic neglect concocting the persona that they wanted their fraternity to embrace, “We blackout”. After being kicked off campus last year for their drinking the Phi Delts have been working hard to keep their once sacred reputation afloat. Former members have been doing their part, drinking to excess and blacking out in name of those who had came, enjoyed and forgotten many a night before them, which makes the events of this past weekend even more shocking.

This past weekend Senior Phi Delt, former risk chair, former ROTC and former Second String Tight End Mathew Light (Matty Light) was said to have gone all of formal Weekend without Blacking or Browning out a single time. If this is true, he has become the first Phi Delt to achieve the feat since Phi Delt went under in the Great Vodka Cup Debacle of 2017.


What’s amazing about Light’s feat is it’s not like he didn’t go out; in fact some say he pounded as many as 84 beers from the time his Friday 1:30 let out to the final whistle of the Pats game on Sunday. This included a world famous Dickinson best of 7 in the midst of his crazy weekend. In the middle of the best of 7 Matty was said to have been “dominating”, in his words, he told us, “Yeah, you know we drink. Like I probably go hard 4-5 nights a week, some guys even have me beat on that. You know that’s how we used to pick our pledges, guys who we think we’d want to house a thirty with week in week out.”


We asked Matt about specific moments from his weekend such as when he Rip Sticked to the Kappa Pregame or threw his wallet on the roof of the Taqueria, but he was quick to tell us he had complete control and was in no way blackout. “You know I was def fucked up by then, had like a Mad Dog and 40 beers just by myself that night, but blackout? Nah dude takes way more than that to get me blacked”. We reached out to some of his boys and tried to piece the story back together but apparently everyone else had all blacked out that night so nothing became clear.


The rule around Phi Delt is if you don’t black out you were too sober. With that in mind, several of Matty’s friends are concerned he doesn’t have enough gas in the tank to make it through the end of the year. Many of his closest confidants believe he is a shadow of his old self and doesn’t have the “It Factor” anymore. Matty’s roommate and best friend, also former football running back Chad Chugoff assured us that Matty would never be seen in this state again, “I’m making a promise to myself, Matty, and all the Phi Delts to come before us that this man will blackout at the bar and puke on D-Walk like any self respecting Phi would do”. There are a lot of questions surrounding last week’s Phi Delt scene, however one thing remains certain, there were no girls in fucking sight.

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