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Brave Student Not Afraid of Eating in Class

ACADEMIC QUAD--Pressed for time between second lunch and first dinner, nutriton pioneer Christian Holder Jr. made the bold decision to grab a quick spicy tuna roll before class. Many others would consider this a dubious decision but for the practiced food connoisseur this is merely routine. Won’t his breath stink? Won’t he get soy sauce all over his notebook? Won’t everyone around him think he is disgusting? Perhaps these are questions a more feeble self-conscious person would ask themselves, but not

Mr. Holder. A big proponent of the "Normalize Eating In Class Movement", Holder doesn’t have time to worry about what others think of his repugnant habit of eating gross food in class. The spicy sushi incident was not his first rodeo. When interviewed for this story, Holder intrigued us with heroic tales of going to class with meatball subs from the quarry, steak 'n cheese from the Snar, and the one time he brought a Deli-Q gyro with extra onion to a three-hour lecture. He described in great detail how he takes time to savor his in-class-meals by taking slow yet full-mouthed bites of whatever hot greasy food is in front of him. Often, he can be seen, and clearly heard, washing it all down with a large bottle of chocolate milk. He makes sure to let out a loud belch after he is done to let his colleagues know the show is over. It suffices to say this journalist was both appalled and impressed by this incredible lack of social awareness. Never before have we seen such disregard for the norms of eating in class. Hats off to you Christian, maybe we can all be as courageous as you one day.

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