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  • Thelma Watkins

Administration Set to Release New Graduation Requirement

DICKINSON FARM - Dickinson Administrators announced early this morning an exciting new addition to the general education requirements. Adding to the fan favorite Quantitative Reasoning and the always popular PE credit will be an initiative aimed to further increase students understanding of sustainability. “Farm-cation” as Dickinson officials are dubbing it, will be a requirement for graduation starting in the Spring of 2019. Pushing students out of their comfort zones and mandating 3 hours of manual labor on the Dickinson College Farm per week.

“We feel as if our students will benefit from getting their hands a little dirty”, associate professor of economics Nancy McCarthy stated during the press conference. McCarthy argued that “Witnessing first-hand the kind of work it takes to maintain a certified organic farm will help to supplement our students' classroom education. It will provide all our students with useful real-world experience, which they can then apply within a professional setting.”

This influx of free labor may have significant implications for the struggling Dickinson Farm, which has suffered from staffing issues in recent years. “Having a few extra hands around will make a big difference for us,” noted Kale Kirkman, the farms director. Kale continued, “We’re planning on expanding our planting for this Spring to take advantage of all these students. This is really going to help turn the Farm into a powerhouse within Cumberland County, it’ll be difficult for our competitors to compete.”

We caught up with students this morning to get their take on this new development.

“Are you fucking kidding me,” exclaimed senior INBM major New Dorm Sarah, “tell them to come farm this dick. They’re essentially forcing students into unpaid labor, to help themselves profit. I’m not doing that shit.” Following this statement, New Dorm Sarah was immediately referred to student conduct for dissenting against the overlords in the administration.

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